Church Bulletins

These were too good not to pass along! Enjoy!

They're Back! Church Bulletins:
Thank God for the church ladies who typethem. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or wereannounced in church services.

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight"Searching for Jesus."
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in therecreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid ofthose things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to aconflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile atsomeone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care muchabout you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," givingobvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nurserydown stairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all thehelp they can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir willsing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in thechurch. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition ofseveral new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceasedperson you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment andgracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladiesare invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation wouldlend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign sloganlast Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge -- Up Yours.”